Growing Up

There’s something about summer that will always remind me of horses.

I started going to horse summer camp when I was 9, and did so just about every year until I was 16. From ages 14 to 16 I was a camp counselor at my barn for pretty much the whole summer, and I spent six hours a day out in the sun catching, grooming, tacking up, and leading kids on ponies around in the arena. It was hard work and I fell asleep the minute I got home every day, but I loved it. Working my summers allowed me to ride for free for the rest of the year, so it was well worth it. Even if I didn’t get paid in lessons, I still would’ve done it, because spending the day with horses for months on end was priceless. One thing I can say about myself is that I’ve never taken a moment spent with horses for granted.

Today, as I sit behind a desk in an office for the summer, I miss horses more than usual. Especially my own.

I got Donovan, my wonderful off-the-track Thoroughbred, when I was 16 years old. I had waited my whole life to have a horse of my own, and it still feels like a dream when I look back on my three years of horse ownership. I can’t believe I was so lucky. I miss the little things the most–his slow, ambling stride when we went for a bareback walk around the pasture in just a halter, that one little grey hair in his black mane, the way he’d nicker after a ride when he saw me heading for the tack room (he knew that meant COOKIES!), and the sense of absolute peace when I sat next to him as he grazed.

Now that I’m horseless and I only ride occasionally, I can’t help but feel that a part of me is missing. I’ve always known that horses are a luxury. They’re expensive and it seems like they’re only getting more expensive as time goes on. I got my horse for $1,500 in 2010. He was very well broke and just perfect for my first horse. There’s no way I could find a horse like him for that price today, and I have no idea when my time will come again for a new horse. Now that I’m an adult, I have debt to pay and bills to stay on top of. It would take me years to save up for a horse that would fit my needs. While I technically could afford more lessons, I don’t want to start my marriage off with financial strain just because I want to ride pretty ponies. I’ll be honest, it’s really hard not to be selfish sometimes. Horses are my passion, and unfortunately, I picked the most expensive passion to have: a living, breathing passion that needs 20+ pounds of hay and 10 gallons of water per day.

I try to keep my feet on the ground and my head out of the clouds. I know that right now there is no way I can afford a horse, and I would have to land a pretty awesome job to be able to have one anytime soon. And that’s okay, because I still have the privilege of being able to ride a couple of times per month, which is much more often than some people ever will. Every time I get on a horse I’m reminded of how lucky I am. I’m not as involved in the horse world as I would like to be, but I’m not shut out completely. I might not be in the right place for a horse right now, but I’ll never stop working for it.