2019 has been a momentous year. The past couple of years have been challenging, but I don’t think anything quite compares to the shell shock that is the birth of your first child.
Becoming a mother has changed me in ways that I never thought possible. I definitely feel like I’ve been forged in the fire and have come out stronger. This little boy brings such joy, and I’m truly grateful to be his mama. His belly laughs and open-mouthed smiles sustain me during those days when I don’t feel like I can do this anymore. Being a SAHM/part-time working mom is a huge change from my old life. I’m such an introvert, and he demands constant engagement and entertainment or else he’s gonna SCREAM. He’s finally getting a little bit better at entertaining himself, but he’ll sit in his pack and play just long enough for me to throw in a load of laundry or chug a cup of coffee. Gone are the days of lounging around, watching hours of YouTube videos, and generally just doing whatever strikes my fancy. I thought being a mom would be an easy transition for me because I tend to have a lot of patience and I’ve always been a homebody. I just wasn’t prepared for how grueling and neverending this work is. Don’t get me wrong–I’m also the most fulfilled I’ve ever been. I wouldn’t trade this experience for the world. I cherish holding him during one of his dozen nightly wakeups and feeling the weight of his 21+ lb body and hearing his baby snores in my ear. But wow, I’m exhausted. Bill is exhausted. We’re barely making it through. But, if anyone can get through this time, it’s us. We’ve weathered many challenges before, and we’ve always made it through to the other side.
Right now, I’m just trying to give myself credit where credit is due. I’m becoming a much more confident mom. I’m forcing myself to push my boundaries and I’m also clinging to a semblance of my pre-kid self. That once a week riding lesson is worth more than gold to me. I question my sanity each time I wake up before sunrise and leave my usually-sleeping baby and husband to go ride in the cold and mist, but it’s so worth the extra sleep deprivation. I’m privileged to be able to continue to do what I love.
This was a long ramble, as my blog posts usually are. Moral of the story: I love my kid. I love him more than I ever could’ve imagined. Being a mom and wife is the hardest thing I’ve ever done, but I’m figuring it out and trying to give myself just a little bit of leeway. My apartment is not clean. I rarely wear makeup. I drink way too much Starbucks (okay, but I always have). Life with an infant is such a whirlwind, but I love it.
Keep Calm and Carreon 