The struggles of an adult amateur rider are never ending.
Technically, I’ve been riding for 18 years (!!!) but I’ve had to take so many breaks that I’m still a beginner. Although I’m starting to build fitness and our flat work is really coming together, jumping is a total mess.
Learning to ride as an adult is infinitely more difficult than it was as a kid/teenager. Bill and I are shelling out a brand new car payment’s worth of money each month for me to take two lessons a week. I’m seeing massive progress in our dressage, which is a GREAT feeling, but I’m so frustrated with jumping.
Yesterday my coach set up a pole on the ground followed by a tiny cross rail. In true adult amateur fashion, I flipped out and started overthinking. A big part of the problem is my shaken confidence over fences. I’ve hit the dirt so many times this year, and all but one of these falls have been jumping related. Monkey needs a strong ride to the base of the fence, or else he’ll stop and spin. Unfortunately, I’ve developed the habit of riding backwards and as I approach I think “Oh crap! A jump! I’ve got to make sure he sees it!” and I tend to pull on the reins and slow our approach to give myself the illusion that he has plenty of time to understand that we’re heading towards a fence.
Sure, that thought process makes sense, but it creates a terrible and sticky approach. I need to learn to sit up and kick on, while letting go with the reins and not making a big move with my upper body. See, I KNOW what I should be doing, but getting my body to cooperate is a totally separate issue.
I’m aware of the problem, and when I’m aware, I start to obsess and berate myself for being such a bad rider after all these years and thousands of dollars spent.
For now, I’m just trying to forgive myself for not being a perfect rider. I’m also continuing to work on my fitness so I’ll feel stronger and more secure throughout the entire lesson. When I start to get tired and my legs start to swing around, I feel like falling off is inevitable, which messes up the mental aspect of riding even more.
I’m hoping to develop mental and physical toughness while embracing the learning process. Confidence takes time to rebuild, and I will get there eventually.
Keep Calm and Carreon 
I so get this! Although I’ve been riding constantly since I was 6 (22 now). After a rough patch where I was only hacking out for a year I bought a young horse and somehow lost my confidence completely! I’m also learning to actually ride to the fences because otherwise I just let the horse back off!
I find cantering over small poles on a big circle get you focused on a rhythm and then you can make into small jumps. It’s really helped me!
🙂 Laura – blueflintequestrian.wordpress.com
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Thanks! Once you’re in your own head, it’s so hard to get out!
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Exactly, a lot of it is mental. I struggle with turning my mind off because I tend to think too much. What helped me a lot was always reminding myself to get on and expect nothing, that way when the smallest positive thing happens, you’ll be excited instead of disappointed. Ride on!
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